LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION
It gives me immense pleasure to write for Mr. Razi Kazi
whom I have known for the past six years in the capacity of a Chief
Terrorist Officer at aL Maika Private Limited. In this period, Razi has
successfully carried out many terrorist attacks in various parts of the
world under my expert guidance. In the course of my acquaintance with
Razi, I have had many opportunities to observe him at close quarters.
Therefore, I can state with conviction that he is endowed with essential
qualities required to succeed in a highly revered Master’s program in
Terrorism at the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) university such
as penchant for violence, expertise in beheading, misogyny, and
lethargy.
After watching umpteen videos on YouTube and Dailymotion on
religious riots and needless wars waged by Satan i.e. America, Razi
joined our organization as a Trainee Terrorist in 2008 and since then he
has not looked back. Razi has gone on to become a Senior Terrorist at
aL Maika in a short span of time by virtue of his passion for committing
acts of extreme violence. Razi’s skills in this regard came to the fore
during a terrorist attack carried out by one of our sister
organizations, namely Lashkar-e-Murabba in a namaloom country. I am
happy to inform you that as many as 200 kafirs were done to death in
that attack with Razi playing an important role in the planning and
execution thereof. For this feat Razi was presented with Terrorist of
the Month award by our management. Besides, numbers speak for
themselves. Up until now Razi has killed more than 3,000 human beings.
By my troth, not often one comes across such a barbarian.
Razi has more than one strings to his fiddle. Since expertise in
beheading is an essential requirement to secure admissions into the
ISIS, Razi has taken a number of steps to hone his skills therein. For
instance, for the past three months he has been doing an internship at
an abattoir in the vicinity of our headquarters. Every day Razi beheads
at least 50 chickens, cows, goats and any other creatures he can lay his
hands on so as to prepare himself for the academically and physically
challenging graduate program at your esteemed institution. Although he
has not achieved perfection, yet I am convinced with your expert
guidance, world class laboratories, renowned faculty, and hands on
training, he would become an efficient executioner before long.
Another quality that impresses me most about Razi is his
hatred of women. He has displayed his misogynistic attitude on several
occasions whilst working with aL Maika. I vividly remember an instance
when Razi took the responsibility of stoning a woman accused of adultery
to death. The woman had ventured to talk to a man in the middle of the
road, thereby disregarding our model code of conduct for the fair sex.
How dare she? Razi, without wasting any time, reported this matter to us
and she was at once awarded with death penalty for her ‘debauchery’.
Thereupon, Razi on his own hook dug a pit in the ground, collected as
many as 100 stones, and kept hurling them at her until she was dead as a
doornail and he was out of gas, so much so that for the next one month
Razi could not move his right hand. Poor boy! Nonetheless, as misogyny
is considered to be a cardinal virtue in the ISIS, I am confident Razi
will do very well there.
Like you and I, Razi also believes in making easy money.
Ever since he has come to know about the oil wells captured by the ISIS
and thriving business of kidnapping in occupied territories, he has been
dreaming of joining you. He is a true fighter who would do anything for
income obtained with a minimum of effort, even kill and maim fellow
human beings for no fault of theirs. Furthermore, Razi is a
dyed-in-the-wool believer in the idea of an Islamic Caliphate ranging from North Pole to South Pole. He wishes to play an important role in this fantastic
enterprise of yours.
In a nutshell, Mr. Razi Kazi possesses six years of work
experience, a record of violent acts, blood on his hands, and above all
extreme mental retardation or idiocy. These qualities make him an ideal
candidate for the much sought after Master’s program in Terrorism at
your reputable institution. Thus, I am convinced if given a chance, he
will prove to be a valuable asset to the ISIS. Please feel free to touch
base with me, if you have any queries with regard to Razi.
Yours Truly,
Baimaan al-Zolawari
Chief Terrorist Officer, aL Maika Private Limited, Tora Bora
Contact No: +0000001000000
Email ID: BaimaanZolawari@aLMaika.com
